Saturday, November 04, 2006

Gotta believe in myself!

Its tough, so difficult that I am gasping for breath every single minute racking my brain, making a decision!

Whenever the year is ending, I have mixed feelings. My contract is ending soon in dec and its another round of decision making for me! I have went for interviews, rejected offers and still I am stuck! I have no idea whether my decision is right and I know that I have to be responsible for them! Its so stressful and I feel breathless, I need more air, more space, more time, plenty brain cells....

Its a total reverse situtation as compared to the time when I first graduate. Job hunting was tough, every interview is a precious opportunity, hearing no new is common and demoralizing. I have been devastated various time, feeling down and getting upset with myself for not being good enough, not outstanding enough such that no one let me in to their door.

However, this time round, I should be happy cause I have been contacted for interviews even without me applying for them. Opportunities came knocking on my door, I am spreading my wings of confidence! The first time I feel that I am important, outstanding and I am overjoy. I know that every hard work that I have put in each job is paying back, I see my profile strengthening! At this point of time, I completely feel I am capable & my confidence level shoot up! But why am I still not happy or am I just being fearful?

I got too many on my plates that they become a headache as I can only choose ONE! I have offer from a prestige company and my existing company is continuing my service. In addition, more interviews on the way but time being the important factor does not give me sufficient time to explore more before a decision is made. I need to give an answer today. I made the decision and decided to move on and accepted the offer! IS IT RIGHT, I keep asking myself!

What can I ask for when it is giving me my expected though its still contract. However, I think human are greedy! I am afraid that there will be better opportunities and somemore they are permanent positions! Beside that, I have been so used to what I am doing and I am happy with my existing environment, my colleagues except my pay! I do not know if I am fear of leaving my comfort zone. I am worried that I have been too rash and made the wrong decision! My mind is spiraling and I feel as if my head is exploding soon!

I need advice and an answer to whether I have chose the right path! Nobody can give me a definite answer! Discussions with family, friends, myself, trying to convince myself! Is it RIGHT? Is it RISKY? Is it what I wanted? Are you sure? .... all these questions just keep rovering around my mind! I am exhausted, feel like giving in, give in to fate to decide for me! I wanted to end my pain and headache with the answer from tossing a coin! However, I know its not right, its foolish and that is why I gotta rack my brain!

Cool down... i told myself. I should believe in myself, my own decision. Even if I did make a wrong decision, I can always learn from it cause I am still young! EXPERIENCE & CHANGES are my teachers in order for me to grow. If I do not give it a try how do I know if I can unleash my potential in the new industry. I have moved from companies of different industries and every beginning seems daunting to me but each process is challenging and satisfying each time I move each stumbling block infront of me! So why and what should I worry! I have overcome each and every obstacles! I CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN MYSELF, MY DECISION!