Wonderful day

ouT 0f th3 bLu3....

"hmm... y the sudden urge to blog today?", I asked myself. Well, juz logout from friendster and saw weewee started blogging and I begin to realize that it has been quite sometime since I blog!!! Especially, since I came back from Japan!! I was still fresh then but now I m getting so lethargic!!! A lot of tings happened for the past few mths... dunno where shall I begin with?!!! My mind is whirling... the world has seem to change so much suddenly or hae I been isolated for too long!!! I feel that my life is boring and mudane!! I start to detest myself for feeling so useless!! The first thing was "Opps, I saw my tummy protruding, realising that I have not exercise for too long and I am getting fat!!". When I go shopping, to my discovery, my size upgrades and all sporean gals seem to hae shrink in size while I m the reverse of them!! I m so sad that I started to go jogging hopping to lose some fats!! But the process and speed is so slow... I then realize that putting on weight is so easy while losing is tedious and almost impossible!! Determination and persistency are 2 vital factors when trying to lose weight esp for me coz I m a tibits regular!! Its juz like asking smokers to quit smoking while asking me not to eat my fav chocolate!!! :( Now I m cutting down on tibits but still the underlying reasons were because I have been eating and seating too much!! Beginning to put all the blame on my job!! Long hours of seating infront of the damn notebk after lunch and dinner!!! Starting to feel so unhealthy and I really dread goin to work!! Last time in school I hate PE the most, esp running! But now I feel so much better after sweating it out and at the same time it keeps my mind balance!! Kinda regret that I hae gave up on PE during JC!! haha...

The mention of work makes me extreme sick.. I am beginning to dislike my boss! Last time I used to find her a fair and considerate boss! However, as me and some of my colleagues' contracts are expiring, I detest her more! She seems to trust only him and even converted him to perm and what about us??! We definitely will not hae tat chance due to head count constraint!! I tried to understand from her point of view but she did not bother to inform us about our chances of getting renewal until he told her abt our worries!! However, she only told charlie and not me and flo!! Think she feels that we are unimportant! Feel that she never respects us and neglects our feelings! She never bothers to listen to us or understand our worries and concern as contract staffs!! She only trusts him without doubting!! He is initially one of us but he suddenly bcomes her pet and everything we once shared have somehow spread to her and we could not trust him anymore!! She only listens to him and what she learnt from us are from him not through us directly! How can she be sure that he gets the correct msg!! This is so idiotic! My hate for her grow more and more each day.... I dislike unfairness and liars! She said that she will try to convert us but if she did put in the efforts and it failed, I could understand but she dun even bother abt us now!! My attitude towards her get worse and I am trying to hide it from her!! As the saying goes, " Never burn bridges but build bridges!" Thats an important phrase to survive in this world as who noes I might b under her one day again!! TOUCHWOOD!! I feel so unbalance nowadays as I looked at my miserable pay while having to wk so hard and my frenz are telling me how high they earned and no OT and I m so damn envy!!! Now bcoz of phase 2 and to reduce any operational impacts, I hae to wk on weekend, sat 6pm-3am, yet only 1 day off!! No OT pay, no recognition, Nothing!! So demoralize and cross with her!! The sight of her makes me puke!!

Then there's him, stirring my heart inside!! I thought I have buried it dig in my heart and locked it up or even cleared my thought!! To me, one who cares will prove it with action not words! Things that belong to me will still come to me even if I dun pursue it! I dun bother to pursue any relationship anymore, so tired and lazy!! What I m looking for is bunch of new great frenz that can paints my life with color! As for that someone whoever he is, if we are fated, we will be together! Thats my belief and what I want to concentrate on is to earn lotsa $$ and travel and let my parents enjoy life!! Dun feel like raking up the past and juz wish to look forward!! Last time I had problems counting the number of cards to send out during festive seasons but now its juz within the count of my 10 fingers!! Ups and downs seem to rover around me, sticking to me like superglue!! I hate troubles, worries... Y is it so hard to b happy??!! Sweet memories of the time spent with my frenz flooded my mind while my sis played the song "Friend" by zhou hua jian.. Last time we used to sing that song during our fav KTV session, hang around at one anothers hse, staying overnite during xmas and celebrate together... Those times hae fade but still etched in my memory!! I still enjoyed and missed YCSS time. Of coz not to forget my U frenz who supported me during university times and still we keep in contact and go for dinner and catchup! Also, few of my great frenz who go thru the first 3 mths and part time frenz!! Will organize outing and catch up with your soon when I m free!! Miss them so much!! Hope they are fine and enjoying their life! :D

posted by Rebecca @ 4:49 PM