Thursday, March 10, 2005

Isolations.........

Its another day of the year again... yeah its my bdae tomolo! However, I do not feel happy at all. Maybe I have been too occupied with work lately, rushing for projects not making time for myself! So sad... Depression seems to have slip in without my notice... My feelings go up and down for the past few days, not willing to settle down just like the enraged waves taking me all the way up and thrashing me down again and again! I have try to stay cheerful but I just cant! Its hard pretending, thats not me! :( It seems that the work load keeps piling with the everchanging design initiated by the fickleminded users!!!! Buzz off manz! Its damn frustrating... Days of OT without much rest that leads to an ugly me, easily enraged over small matters which slowly leads to a silent me, ignoring things happening around me! Has my heart calm to a low tide after an explosion? NO, no fireworks, my brain takes over me where a devil creeps in and a hardened and fearless heart seems to form. I hate everything, all things in this world of all! At this moment, I just want to stare blankly, dream, drift away to my own world! This tiny world of mine starts to evolve as I kept things to myself, pondering and drifting away...away from everyone... In this world of mine, I only see myself, me and only me, no one in this unbreakable barricade set up by me. Slowly, I build a bridge, a communication bridge where I can and will talk to...my family. All my friend seems to have disappear, NO I do not have a friend after all! Nobody cares... I feel so depressed! My friends never bother, so why should I! The world is always unfair, its never square. To live in my own creation with nothing but myself...is that what I am hoping for?? I do not know and do not wish to know. Just let the days pass by without noticing, without identifying my goals in life!!! I feel as if I am falling into the deepest pit, pit of bitterness that goes so deep that it seems to be a bottomless pit.... My heart seems to freeze by an amulet and locked by a heavy chain...I could not escape...I need someone to unlock the chain and release me...release me from the sorrow, bitterness, unhappiness...........