batTLing is 0ver,....FiNaL d3cIsi0nz Mad3...
As what my title suggests, I have made an important decision today. I have accepted the offer! Feel so happy and definitely looking forward to it! Hopefully, I did the right thing. Currently, I am left about 1 mth+ b4 my existing contract expires. It seems long but not that short either. Ha.. Actually, what has been bothering me revolves around my work, salary, benefits, recognition..., etc. Feel that it’s such a letdown that last week I actually start applying for jobs and finally, I got shortlisted for an interview this monday! When I first receive the call, I am delighted and surprised! I had applied for java developer position and was shortlisted for System Analyst position. There were question marks bubbling above me.. But I came to realize it is better and I have bucked up and prepared myself this round. "I do not want to be a letdown this time!", I told myself.
When I was a fresh graduate, I experienced the hardship finding a job, I sent out more than a hundred applications, received only few calls after few weeks and did not get through. That period was demoralizing and depressing that I think I did suffer from depression! I feel so upset and crossed with myself tat time!! I wonder what is wrong with me, am I stupid or bcoz I am not honours?? !! I begin to realize that the experience, the technical knowledge and most importantly LUCK! Yes, I lacked the luck!! Almost all my interviews that I went for had technical tests and there werent simple for me!!! I must admit that I should brush up my technical and also my soft skills!! Each time I went for interviews, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I speak like an idiots without thinking!! That was what had resulted in a low morale and depressed me!! After which i finally got a job, I was overjoyed! But to my disappointment, my current boss doesn’t appreciate us which left me no intention to stay on. I signed without hesitation!!! I am so damn determined to venture out and strive hard for it!! I do not care about the risk I am taking. Anyway, I do not suffer any loss! I am not going to be the timid and no confidence me again!!
Talking about contract renewal, I am damn crossed. We talked to her on Tuesday and throughout the conversation, I realized that she doesn’t really have the intention to persuade us stay. She said the market outside is good now and things like she noes of project that is not under her but giving more, etc. Common, we are discussing about our new contract and we have gave valid reasons why 6% is so little. What makes me happy was that we have provided sound reasons that she is dumbfounded!!! Me and flo were almost shooting her and her best frenz!! No wonder she asked her best fren to tag along in case she lose to us. S seems more keen to make us stay than her. Somemore she is PM and when I purposely ask her about the possibilities of us getting convert to perm, she gave a very direct and frank answer that it is impossible!!! That’s hurtful and the worst was when she tried to cover up and argued y he was converted to perm!! He is more hardworking and blah blah… That’s all lame excuses and it never gets into my ears at all!! We all worked hard to get the project running, we toiled and slogged and that was for nothing!! I was totally convinced that she is practicing favouritism!!! The discussion ended with her saying: “I will tried my best but it is quite impossible….”. Then yesterday, she called us to send her our resume updated with our existing job scopes!! Thought she is fighting for us??? Why does it seems like we are fighting for ourselves juz that she acts as the messenger???!!! This made my blood boiled!
Now, this time round, lady luck is smiling at me!! I got shortlisted in a few days time, I went for interview and got the offer after 1 day!! Hahaha.... feeling over the moon was what I feel!!! Even though it was not a perm position but the package is attractive and much better than what I will get in my new contract with my current company. Today, I took a day leave, planning to go for J2EE test by another company but was sick. Hence, I gave the technical test a miss but I still dragged myself to sign off my new contract! Even though I do not noe what my new job has in store for me but still I am looking forward to it!!! I really hope I will get the chance to travel in this new job!! I realize that entering the working force certainly has made me more mature but more troubles oso!! Haha… Actually, what really inspired me to work towards my goal to climb up the corporate ladder is the show “What a woman wants!” I think it’s a nice show and it definitely is encouraging!! Greed really motivates one but with a correct amount!! I also want to be like them, a successful career woman with countless of $ to spend!!! Haha…
brIghT & ch3eRy!! :D
Getting sick of the previous total pink background yesterday, I had chosen one that looks more pleasing to my eyes! Today's a great day for me coz I m feeling happy and relax!! I have taken off to stay at home and rest since its a well deserved leave granted and I shall make full use of my time. I had planned to wake up early today to go for a jog but couldnt make it as I slept late last nite! Most importantly, I was beaten by my laziness to get up!! haha... So its rise and shine for me after 10!! It has been such a long time that I got such luxury lazing on my bed!! Feeling refreshed, I get myself up for I have more important things to do that is to carry out my predefined tasks aligned for today! It started with the repair of my poor, overworked, dying aircon which has served me for over 5 years without complaints!! haah... as if I noe!! :P
Time juz flies past so fast that I realize its noon time and I hae yet to start my jobs application which is the main priority!!! I feel so much better and I have sorted out my thoughts and relooked my goals in life! I realized tat understanding others is tough but understanding myself is also a arduous task! I always tink I am a simple person who does not ask for much until last nite. While I was reading my own blog, I realized I have became a complaint queen! There seems to be so many unsatisfactory in my life and how unpleased I m with myself!! It seems like I am a character in my own story struggling to live, aiming for a better life but there are opposing forces goin against me!! Probably its myself, my own stubborness! Maybe I should change my values, thinking and get my head in the right place and I may start to enjoy life and find happiness!!! Recently, I have been watching a nice short film by Walt Disney which has a nice graphics, music, ..etc but more important is the encouraging and meaningful messages that it is trying to get across. Though its a cartoon but its underlying meaning is enlightening and one should really be optimistic and looks towards the brighter side of the world! The best part of the film was the phrase "Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. When you find that you are down, well just look around! You still got a body, good legs and fine feet, get your head in the right place and you are complete!!" So when I m down, I will recall this phrase and watch this short film over and over again and I feels so much better!!
So its kinda a brand new me and tomorrow shall be the starting point of my life where everyting shall change for the better! There is no past but sweet memories and a beautiful future lying ahead waiting for me. So here I am, on my way reaching for it!!! If I believe I can do it, I can!! So my dear frenz, what about your? Have u find your goals in life and or are you already ahead of me??!! That will be fantastic if u r! If not, you can start NOW!! Actually, its also kinda happy to noe that your family, frenz and colleagues feel happy around you. Though some of my frenz or colleagues will laughed at my craziness where I always talk nonsense and bullshit sometimes! However, its their laughter that I see that makes me happy too! Definitely, I m mentally fine, just that I feel tat life is kinda bored and mundane having to follow those stringent rules so when its time for fun then y should I be serious?!!! Of course, I divide clearly between my work and play! Hence, when I am working, I put all my efforts in and concentrate fully on it! The same applies when its fun time!! haha...
Hey u, yes u, stop turning around, u noe who I m talking about, "Mr humble" (O_^_O) , stop reading!! Thats privacy intrusion!! U hae yet to pay for the subscription fee! haha... :P
Anyway, I just wish that everything is fine for all!!
ouT 0f th3 bLu3....
"hmm... y the sudden urge to blog today?", I asked myself. Well, juz logout from friendster and saw weewee started blogging and I begin to realize that it has been quite sometime since I blog!!! Especially, since I came back from Japan!! I was still fresh then but now I m getting so lethargic!!! A lot of tings happened for the past few mths... dunno where shall I begin with?!!! My mind is whirling... the world has seem to change so much suddenly or hae I been isolated for too long!!! I feel that my life is boring and mudane!! I start to detest myself for feeling so useless!! The first thing was "Opps, I saw my tummy protruding, realising that I have not exercise for too long and I am getting fat!!". When I go shopping, to my discovery, my size upgrades and all sporean gals seem to hae shrink in size while I m the reverse of them!! I m so sad that I started to go jogging hopping to lose some fats!! But the process and speed is so slow... I then realize that putting on weight is so easy while losing is tedious and almost impossible!! Determination and persistency are 2 vital factors when trying to lose weight esp for me coz I m a tibits regular!! Its juz like asking smokers to quit smoking while asking me not to eat my fav chocolate!!! :( Now I m cutting down on tibits but still the underlying reasons were because I have been eating and seating too much!! Beginning to put all the blame on my job!! Long hours of seating infront of the damn notebk after lunch and dinner!!! Starting to feel so unhealthy and I really dread goin to work!! Last time in school I hate PE the most, esp running! But now I feel so much better after sweating it out and at the same time it keeps my mind balance!! Kinda regret that I hae gave up on PE during JC!! haha...
The mention of work makes me extreme sick.. I am beginning to dislike my boss! Last time I used to find her a fair and considerate boss! However, as me and some of my colleagues' contracts are expiring, I detest her more! She seems to trust only him and even converted him to perm and what about us??! We definitely will not hae tat chance due to head count constraint!! I tried to understand from her point of view but she did not bother to inform us about our chances of getting renewal until he told her abt our worries!! However, she only told charlie and not me and flo!! Think she feels that we are unimportant! Feel that she never respects us and neglects our feelings! She never bothers to listen to us or understand our worries and concern as contract staffs!! She only trusts him without doubting!! He is initially one of us but he suddenly bcomes her pet and everything we once shared have somehow spread to her and we could not trust him anymore!! She only listens to him and what she learnt from us are from him not through us directly! How can she be sure that he gets the correct msg!! This is so idiotic! My hate for her grow more and more each day.... I dislike unfairness and liars! She said that she will try to convert us but if she did put in the efforts and it failed, I could understand but she dun even bother abt us now!! My attitude towards her get worse and I am trying to hide it from her!! As the saying goes, " Never burn bridges but build bridges!" Thats an important phrase to survive in this world as who noes I might b under her one day again!! TOUCHWOOD!! I feel so unbalance nowadays as I looked at my miserable pay while having to wk so hard and my frenz are telling me how high they earned and no OT and I m so damn envy!!! Now bcoz of phase 2 and to reduce any operational impacts, I hae to wk on weekend, sat 6pm-3am, yet only 1 day off!! No OT pay, no recognition, Nothing!! So demoralize and cross with her!!
The sight of her makes me puke!!Then there's him, stirring my heart inside!! I thought I have buried it dig in my heart and locked it up or even cleared my thought!! To me, one who cares will prove it with action not words! Things that belong to me will still come to me even if I dun pursue it! I dun bother to pursue any relationship anymore, so tired and lazy!! What I m looking for is bunch of new great frenz that can paints my life with color! As for that someone whoever he is, if we are fated, we will be together! Thats my belief and what I want to concentrate on is to earn lotsa $$ and travel and let my parents enjoy life!! Dun feel like raking up the past and juz wish to look forward!! Last time I had problems counting the number of cards to send out during festive seasons but now its juz within the count of my 10 fingers!! Ups and downs seem to rover around me, sticking to me like superglue!! I hate troubles, worries... Y is it so hard to b happy??!! Sweet memories of the time spent with my frenz flooded my mind while my sis played the song "Friend" by zhou hua jian.. Last time we used to sing that song during our fav KTV session, hang around at one anothers hse, staying overnite during xmas and celebrate together... Those times hae fade but still etched in my memory!! I still enjoyed and missed YCSS time. Of coz not to forget my U frenz who supported me during university times and still we keep in contact and go for dinner and catchup! Also, few of my great frenz who go thru the first 3 mths and part time frenz!! Will organize outing and catch up with your soon when I m free!! Miss them so much!! Hope they are fine and enjoying their life! :D
